Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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