Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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