Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
