would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
