I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
