You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
