we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
