Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
