So drunk, too bad you don't want this
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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