oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
