My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have already put on my inside pants.
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