The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
try to milk me bitch
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