My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
