I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
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The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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