Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
