New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
