I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
