people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
