i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
