just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
