I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
