please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
