I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
