This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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