Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
