If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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