four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
