I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
