I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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