Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
