Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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