I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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