And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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