what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
