Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
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I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
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I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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