I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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