She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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