he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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