I met the friendliest cop last night
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in your delicious
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize