you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
