Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
