I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I need to stop coming to work sober
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
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I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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