Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I won the penis lottery.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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