I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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