Screwed.edu
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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