Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
