Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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