Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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