its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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