Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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