he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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