we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
