were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think my moral compass just broke
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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