So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
