So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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