My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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