I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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