I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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