I just made out with a guy for $7.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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