i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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