the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
