What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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