At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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