Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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