me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
