His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
