Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
