Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
