I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We got so high we made milksteak
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
